Drinking on the Tube - Forgive us our National Vices

In anticipation of a holiday in Spain, I was recently reading up on the etiquette that should be observed whilst dealing with the foreigners. Alongside wearing appropriate evening attire, thanking people and being polite, all generally adhered to, there was this stark warning “do not get drunk, drunkenness is frowned upon, all previous good behaviour will be quickly forgotten.” This was a total shock to me - the Spanish friends I have in Britain get pissed all the time. Then I realised, they’d been reading the Spanish equivalent of the book I’d been reading. In a similar passage it reads “get drunk, sobriety is frowned upon, all previous good and bad behaviour will be forgotten, along with your name and the minger you wished you hadn’t with.” The foreigners know we like a drink.
Outsiders only have to look at the scenes from the London Underground to understand the place drinking has in British culture. Where else in the world would the transport system of the nation’s capital be turned into a party because of drinking on trains being banned?
But why should it be banned? It’s our national sport - nanny state I say. Let us have our fun, let us have our vices - other countries have their vices. The Americans have their guns and Republicanism, we have drinking and Coronation Street – it’s only fair.


The tube revellers weren’t your usual grimy Booze Britain sorts that the Daily Mail loves complaining about…







They were more Pims on the lawn…

Five Years Today

This is one of my favourite holiday snaps. It was taken five years ago during a party being held for some journalists, we were lucky enough to stumble on it just as the celebrations started to kick off.

It's just a shame that Baghdad hasn't got the same party vibe anymore - It's Ibiza for me this this year!

New Events for Beijing 2008

China’s Olympic Committee today announced that new events will be played at the Beijing Games later this year.
The decision to include new sports was made in response to recent Tibetan independence demonstrations and is aimed at creating a feeling of greater unity between China and the disputed region.





A jovial Chinese official gave a statement earlier today to explain the decision, “we felt that Tibet should play more part in the Games.” He went on to say, “we have designed some sports that Chinese government thinks best promote unity and are best understood by Tibetans.”
Following the statement the official detailed some of the new events, these included Tear Gas Table Tennis, Monk Wrestling and a whole host of bat-ton related sports currently being perfected by the authorities.
Unfortunately none of the new events competitors were available for comment because they are busy training in Tibet.





(Pictures from the Chinese Olympic training camp)

Who gives a shit about American Politics?

At the moment it seems people are more interested in the US Primaries than their own nation’s politics. I’ve talked to a few people about it recently, and not your usual politicos either, but people who I’d of thought were more interested in Britney’s lack of underwear or the reason for Newcastle Utd's poor performance.
Why is this though? Surely we should take more notice of our own country’s politics than somewhere thousands of miles away. Maybe it’s because we were promised an election and never given one, so now we’re getting all the hot poll action we can get. Maybe it’s the sight of Hillary Clinton in all her finery – err nah. Or is it that Americans know how to put on a good show – The Terminator and Rambo never turned up when old Tony B was trying to get elected.

Or maybe, after nearly eight years of George, we’ve started to realise how much of an impact the US has on the rest us.
For the UK, going to war in Iraq was a big one, and although it was ultimately our choice, we were leaned on, then had our collective head patted, rolled over and had our belly tickled – good boy Tony. For other countries it’s much the same – in the name of protecting it’s interest or expanding them - the US throws its weight around – which is considerable (look at some of the people that live there), and the rest of us feel the fall out.
So who can blame us for being interested in who’s in charge next, after all, we’ll probably feel the effects in one way or another. I'm just glad that the UK is considered an ally and US Presidents aren’t allowed to serve more than two terms.

Happy New Year … Now Feel Guilty!

Detoxing, dieting, quitting, exercise – boring. It’s that time of year again, the used to be a fatty minor zelebs are all over the adverts in straining new rave leotards, the government is pushing its - You Smoker Scum Propaganda, and supermarkets are replacing the eggnog with evil detox drinks that have a life of their of own and contain more fruit than Africa in one handy little shake – yuck

He’s something to think about while you’re wondering if you should buy Strictly Come Dancersize or Shilpa Yoga for your post Christmas workout.


How much money is made off our post chrimbo guilt trip?

The same people who want to starve us now, were stuffing us before Christmas!

How big is the mountain of unused exercise videos?

What makes ex soap actors the experts on ridding women of their bingo wings?

Who gives a shit? I like smoking, eating, drinking, having fun and not feeling guilty!

Royal to Royal

Last week two Monarchs headed royally up to the palace. On their way they noticed small crowds of commoners had gathered to welcome the foreign King.

“Nice Park you have, who are all the people on the side of the road shouting though?”
Said the foreign King

“Oh I do apologise, it’s this bloody Tatchell fello having one of his little protests. You see we have these freedoms over here, bloody annoying they can be, we would have had a much more pleasant drive without all these people cluttering up the pavements, I do apologise.”

“They’d be flogged like dogs in my country.”

“Yes there’s a lot to be said for the way you do things over there, we wouldn’t have to worry about people like Tatchell if we did things your way, I expect you’d give him the lash.

“I know this Tachell's kind - we’d stone him I think”

“Ha, ha, ha - you certainly do have things right, you’d get on well with my husband, he’s always saying how we should never of stopped hanging people you know”

“Oh yes - I love hangings.”

“I’ve always fancied a beheading myself – I’d of loved the chance to say off with his head, especially if Tony was still around.”

Where’s, where’s, where’s, where’s Saudi – where’s Saudi?